Yule have a happy happy ho ho.....
Alright, I know it's been ages since I updated this thing and I'm not sure if this is the best way to do it right now. But John Moore of Canadian jurnalistic infamy wrote this really funny article in the paper today that I have decided to share with.....well, whoever.
One of the great phony battles in the concocted North American culture wars has ended in defeat for the dreaded secular forces of evil. On the eve of the holiday shopping season, Wal-Mart announced it would put the Christ back in Christmas, instructing its robotic employees to replace "season's greetings" with "Merry Christmas." The world's largest retailer dealt such a staggering blow to effete, religion-hating liberals that many of us were put off our Ahi tuna and snobby Gewurztraminer (it's the new Riesling!) for hours.
Initially, I thought Wal-Mart's gesture would temper the bluster of media blowhards, for whom the annual approach of the yuletide season has always been like, well, Christmas. But it hasn't. Bill O'Reilly and company have fired up the secular conspiracy machine once again, conflating a half dozen unrelated anecdotal incidents from across the continent into a fantastical full-scale insurgent effort to suppress the birth of Christ.
The irony in all this is that the most significant force in the secularization of the holiday has been that of the free market, something the Cossacks of conservative rage often seem to worship as religiously as they do their God.
Over the years -- largely unprompted -- merchants have stripped Jesus out of their December marketing. They've opted for what sells: Santa Claus, elves, snow and guilt. Meanwhile, it struck some people that Jingle Bell Rock and Frosty the Snowman were suitable alternatives to the awkwardness of compelling seven-year- old Muslims, Hindus, Jews and agnostics to sing nativity songs.
This passive capitulation came as a great relief to liberals who didn't really have the time to wage a concerted battle on Christmas -- as we had our hands full coddling terrorists and destroying the institution of marriage. But Wal- Mart's latest move has convinced me that we cannot blithely stand by while Christ is shoehorned back into Christmas. Indeed the time has come to put
the Yule back in Yuletide. After all, we were here first. It's the Christians who overlaid their holiday like new tile on old hardwood.
Long before the birth of Jesus, December found the Romans celebrating Saturnalia, a winter-solstice festival of candles, feasting, gift-giving and caroling (mummering) with enough booze thrown in to make the average office Christmas party seem somewhat Methodist.
The festivities culminated in an event in which one benighted person was fattened up, run through the streets and then slaughtered to cleanse the population of its sins. Happy Holidays indeed.
Less homicidal celebrations can be found in almost every ancient society. Dec. 25 was the feast day of the Persian sun god Mithras and the Greek deity Attis (who cut off his own genitals -- put that on your holiday card).
Jesus's birth did not coincide with any of these celebrations. Based on Biblical detail, the blessed event can persuasively be said to have taken place in the months of May, April or September. Dec. 25 was pronounced the saviour's birthday by papal fiat in the year 350, in an entirely cynical marketing move by Pope Julius I.
One of the great phony battles in the concocted North American culture wars has ended in defeat for the dreaded secular forces of evil. On the eve of the holiday shopping season, Wal-Mart announced it would put the Christ back in Christmas, instructing its robotic employees to replace "season's greetings" with "Merry Christmas." The world's largest retailer dealt such a staggering blow to effete, religion-hating liberals that many of us were put off our Ahi tuna and snobby Gewurztraminer (it's the new Riesling!) for hours.
Initially, I thought Wal-Mart's gesture would temper the bluster of media blowhards, for whom the annual approach of the yuletide season has always been like, well, Christmas. But it hasn't. Bill O'Reilly and company have fired up the secular conspiracy machine once again, conflating a half dozen unrelated anecdotal incidents from across the continent into a fantastical full-scale insurgent effort to suppress the birth of Christ.
The irony in all this is that the most significant force in the secularization of the holiday has been that of the free market, something the Cossacks of conservative rage often seem to worship as religiously as they do their God.
Over the years -- largely unprompted -- merchants have stripped Jesus out of their December marketing. They've opted for what sells: Santa Claus, elves, snow and guilt. Meanwhile, it struck some people that Jingle Bell Rock and Frosty the Snowman were suitable alternatives to the awkwardness of compelling seven-year- old Muslims, Hindus, Jews and agnostics to sing nativity songs.
This passive capitulation came as a great relief to liberals who didn't really have the time to wage a concerted battle on Christmas -- as we had our hands full coddling terrorists and destroying the institution of marriage. But Wal- Mart's latest move has convinced me that we cannot blithely stand by while Christ is shoehorned back into Christmas. Indeed the time has come to put
the Yule back in Yuletide. After all, we were here first. It's the Christians who overlaid their holiday like new tile on old hardwood.
Long before the birth of Jesus, December found the Romans celebrating Saturnalia, a winter-solstice festival of candles, feasting, gift-giving and caroling (mummering) with enough booze thrown in to make the average office Christmas party seem somewhat Methodist.
The festivities culminated in an event in which one benighted person was fattened up, run through the streets and then slaughtered to cleanse the population of its sins. Happy Holidays indeed.
Less homicidal celebrations can be found in almost every ancient society. Dec. 25 was the feast day of the Persian sun god Mithras and the Greek deity Attis (who cut off his own genitals -- put that on your holiday card).
Jesus's birth did not coincide with any of these celebrations. Based on Biblical detail, the blessed event can persuasively be said to have taken place in the months of May, April or September. Dec. 25 was pronounced the saviour's birthday by papal fiat in the year 350, in an entirely cynical marketing move by Pope Julius I.
posted by mike on the right at 5:01 PM
1 Comments:
amen
Post a Comment
<< Home